Understanding your Highest Emotional Need: The Seven Primal Question
Standing at the sink, my mind wandered faster than expected, through a series of memories. The mop bucked filled with steaming hot water. The house slept. A rush of hot tears filled my eyes. Unprepared, unexpectedly, I felt the sting and I saw the dots connecting. I sat in it for a moment, and then moved on. Have you been there? At a stoplight, in the shower, or out for a jog and your mind wanders faster than expected connecting the dots to points of pain completely unplanned, and unprepared — there’s a rush of emotions.
Understanding your Highest Emotional Need
Do you take the time to acknowledge the sting or push on by?
What is it telling you?
What was the path of thoughts that brought you here unexpectedly?
What emotions arise?
Why?
What if your mind isn’t wandering.
What if it’s leading you somewhere — on purpose.
When your mind wanders to unexpected places and you find yourself feeling an emotional response — What is it telling you? What was lacking in that moment? What did you needed? What was hurting? What needs healing? What questions are you left with unanswered?
What if I told you, your highest emotional need is connected to a question rooted deep in you. Often times, this question can be traced back to our family of origin, or childhood. Throughout our lives, we continue to ask this questions — unknowingly. This question is the driving force in our lives.
The Seven Primal Questions are connected to our apex emotional need. Our relationship with ourselves, others, our choices, and emotions are all driven from our highest need being answered with a “YES!” When we get a “no” or a “maybe” our lives can become quite the scramble.
When we are caught in a scramble of emotions. It’s important to pause. Get out of the tree branches. Identify the root.
What is the story your telling yourself about the experience?
Is it true?
Is it helpful?
Is it hurting you and your relationships more?
How can this experience serve you well moving into the future?
Have you grown through this process?
Leaning into the painful moments and the uncomfortable memories we can identify how those experiences can serve us well in the future. The pain can produce purpose and a new perspective we never saw coming.
Name the emotion, behavior, thoughts (these are the branches).
Push pass the emotions, behavior, thoughts and dig to the roots.
What did you need in the moment?
Did you need to feel:
Safe?
Secure?
Loved?
Wanted?
Successful?
Good Enough?
Purpose?
As you begin to understand your apex emotional need and identify your primal question. You will gain clarity and confidence to explore life (past, present, and future) with a new perspective.
Remember — there’s purpose in the pain.
You’re getting stronger. The world needs you.
Your experience can fuel positive change in the future.
UNMET NEEDS AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS: Finding Answers with The Seven Primal Questions
The Seven Primal Questions framework will help you find answers, identify unmet needs, and gain clarity. Working with Rhona you can begin to identify your Primal Question and unpack your story with a new perspective.
Do you wonder why you do what you do?
Do you get caught in cycles — looking for answers?
What if I told you, the answer — was actually — in a question.
We often spend our time trying to fix behaviors, actions, and thoughts. Are you caught in cycles — looking for answers?
What if I told you, the answer — was actually — in a question.
The Seven Primal Questions are a set of core questions that unknowingly drive our lives through our choices, actions, and triggers. When you identify your Primal Question you find clarity, new perspective of your past, understand the present, and begin to explore the future with confidence. When you understand how your highest emotional need drives your life you gain a new level of self-awareness and live from a place of self-leadership. If you’re feeling stuck in the same cycles, maybe it’s time to get to the root of what drives you.
Do you feel like your emotions and behaviors are complicated to understand?
Do you want to take control of your life, make changes for the better, but need a simple method for doing so?
Do you desire to heal from your past?
Are you ready to grow — but not sure how to move forward?
WHAT ARE THE SEVEN PRIMAL QUESTIONS?
After 6,000+ hours of research Mike Foster has developed a simple and strategic framework that is transformational in getting to the root of what drives you in life. is a revolutionary new framework for accelerating personal and professional growth. Mike’s work has been featured in the NY Times, GQ Magazine and on GMA. He has used the Primal Question framework in executive coaching, counseling, and speaking. The Primal Question framework is built around the following 7 core questions (that can be asked in slightly different ways):
Q1: AM I SAFE?
At their core, they crave physical and emotional safety — and negative surprises are a “no, thanks.”
When Q1s are at their best, they’re relaxed, at peace, and can heal and protect those around them. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to try to control the future, live on high alert, and exist in a lot of stress and anxiety.
The Q1s are the world’s guardians — they help people feel safe and protected, are naturally able to analyze and predict, and tend to be emotionally connected and sensitive.
Q2: AM I SECURE?
The Q2s are great providers and partners — and they build stable environments, prioritize their relationships and finances, and tend to be trustworthy, grounded, and methodical.
At their core, they crave security — and not having the right amount of money or relational resources to protect themselves is a big fear.
When Q2s are at their best, they’re generous, connected, and secure. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to fret over money, resources, and relational capital.
Q3: AM I LOVED?
The Q3s are gifted at loving and caring for others — and they create safe, loving environments for others to feel seen, heard, and treasured.
At their core, they crave being loved — and the thought of being dismissed, unheard, or unseen is a deep fear.
When Q3s are at their best, they’re nurturing, kind, and empathetic. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to become people-pleasers, over-give, and engage in codependent behaviors.
Q4: AM I WANTED?
The Q4s are welcoming, accepting, and inclusive — and they’re excellent at connecting people and including them.
At their core, they crave being wanted — and the thought of being excluded, replaced, or shunned is a deep fear.
When Q4s are at their best, they’re strong in social settings, good with people, and make others feel special. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to lose themselves in the need to feel wanted themselves.
Q5: AM I SUCCESSFUL?
The Q5s are confident, focused, and help everyone solve problems — and win.
At their core, they want to be and be seen as successful — and being seen as incompetent or underachieving is their worst possible outcome.
When Q5s are at their best, they lead themselves and others to positive outcomes — and their can-do attitudes give them the ability to produce great work. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to lose sight of the bigger picture, engage in workaholic behaviors, and work towards outcomes they may not really want.
Q6: AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
The Q6s are valuable, advocating, and full of special abilities — plus, they’re great at seeing possibilities and spotting untapped resources.
At their core, they want to be seen as good — and ever being negatively thought of or criticized is a huge deal to them.
When Q6s are at their best, they add value to others, embrace their own imperfections, and maximize the lives around them. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to see themselves as a victim or shut down.
Q7: DO I HAVE A PURPOSE?
The Q7s are imaginative, forward-thinking, and impactful — and they consistently make the world around them a better place.
At their core, they want to live a life full of meaning — and living a purposeless life is the worst thing that could happen to them.
When Q7s are at their best, they embrace their boundless visions, rally people towards a difference, and help others unlock their purpose. However, when they’re in their scramble, they tend to get caught up in finding the “right” path, which can cause them to miss the good.
UNPACKING YOUR STORY
Understanding The Seven Primal Questions, you are able to create a better life for yourself, a friend, a parent, a leader, or a partner.
These questions can almost always be traced back to our family of origin or consistent experiences in life leaving us with a “NO” or a “MAYBE”. We then begin to live our lives with unmet NEEDS. As you being to unpack your story and see your unmet needs you are able to step into a healthy role of self leadership. You will find that every unmet need not only leaves you wanting, it creates a powerful gift that you bring to the world! It’s a beautiful reminder that – nothing is wasted.
Life + Design: The Power of Negative Space
As an interior designer, I have a new perspective on the power of negative space.
The use of negative space plays a powerful role in creating a peaceful, cohesive and intriguing design.
Negative space brings balance, shapes perspective, and creates depth when used properly. In design, negative space can be seen as visually empty space. In life, we often think of pain as a negative. In reality, it's preparation for experiencing the positive.
Design is an experience
A visual dialogue finding balance of rest and interest.
It brings a sense of harmony and joy.
In the same way,
the empty spaces in life serve as a reminder to
rest, reflect and add depth to my perspective.
What we perceive as negative thoughts and empty spaces in our hearts could be communicating a need for change in our current circumstance, or offering a balanced perspective to our reality.
The balance of negative space creates perspective and depth with surrounding layers. The placement will direct our eyes around the room. When designing a room, I am reminded to do the same with my heart and life to see the layers and the "negative space". When I acknowledge it, and understanding its purpose, I gain perspective.
With out the negative, it’s impossible to experience joy.
Pause, notice the negative spaces this season holds and find perspective as you seek peace.
Let light shine through.
Gain clarity + confidence to
lean in, listen, and learn.
.
If your thought life becomes unbalanced and negative spaces screams louder than the joy - it’s important to find balance - you may need to dig deep to gain a new perspective.
Are you in a season where the walls of your heart are cluttered or totally bare?
Do your thoughts feel out of balance? You have the opportunity to live by default or design.
Take a moment to consider:
What is the story I’m telling myself?
Is this story true? Look at the fact.
Where does it come from? Uncover the layers.
Is it revealing a point of pain, fear, anxiety, or insecurity?
Is it revealing unhealthy patterns I need to take action to change?
Is the negative thought serving me well?
What can I learn from this thought?
Can I use this thought to point me to a positive thought?
What areas of my life can I find growth, healing, freedom in my past?
Are things getting better?
Is this a season I’m struggling to gain clarity on my own?
Am I stuck in the dark?
Do I need help, pulling back the curtains, and finding a more balanced perspective?
Healthy Perspective in Sugarless Seasons
Finding the sweet spot in sugarless seasons.
“WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS …” sometimes, you’re all out of sugar.
TIPS for cultivating a balanced perspective in sugarless seasons?
I’ve got some.
IDENTIFY your LEMONS + MAKE A LIST
What are the sour places in your heart, relationships, thoughts, and habits?
Why?
What do you need to let go of?
What do you need to hold on to?
Are your lemons making you stronger?
Are your lemons hurting or helping?
How and why?
What are you lemons revealing in your heart?
IDENTIFY your WATER + MAKE A LIST
Water tends to evaporate. Take the time to reflect moments you feel refreshed. Identify who, what, where, and why those moments feel refreshing.
Prioritize these things more.
Be intentional with adding water to your cup in sugarless seasons to keep a refreshed perspective.
FRESH PERSPECTIVE
Feeling the sting? Don’t confuse the sting of healing as new wounds.
It burns and you’re getting better.
That sting is healing.